During the last couple of weeks I managed to catch up with a couple of school friends who I haven’t talked to in a while, which in itself, was amazing as we have scattered all over the world since we graduated from high school and it was a pleasant surprise to find that we can still talk for hours at a time. However, as nice as that was, I was left with a weird sinking feeling after the conversations were over – one of them is now employed full-time in one of the biggest international corporations and the other is thinking about buying a house with her boyfriend of two years (I am very happy for both, don’t get me wrong) and I couldn’t help but feel a little depressed that I don’t seem to have made any significant progress. I am still at University, still struggling to meet deadlines, still working two-part time jobs, and, worst of all, without a real idea what I want to do with my life once I get out of University.
Consciously, I know that from one point on everyone starts following a different life path and that everyone is moving at their own speed and I should not compare myself to anyone but it is so difficult not to! At times it seems like all my friends are so far ahead in achieving their dreams while I am still trying to figure out what mine are, that it becomes depressing. Christmas is fast approaching and as excited as I am to see all my friends and relatives back home I am really dreading the inevitable question about my future goals and plans.
That being said, with the 5 deadlines I had this week and the looming presence of dissertation choices I find it difficult to think about the point beyond graduation as a real thing rather than as a utopian concept when everything will somehow sort itself out. However, I realize that the planning and thinking is necessary and as much as I would want to avoid it I will have to make some choices pretty soon. Therefore, I came up with the following (temporary) solution – once I fly home for Christmas I will allow myself to relax for a week (in the comfort of my home and with my family there to support me) and afterwards will sit down and figure out what and where I want to do once I go out in the “real” world.